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Inside the Ashleys' Clubhouse, the Ashleys felt sad.

Ashley A: Well, it's the worst time of the day once again. 

Ashley A cringed as she changed the "Open" sign to "Closed".

Ashley A: Closing time!

Ashley B: Yeah, this is so sad.

Ashley Q: I agree. 

Ashley T: Let's go home.

Spinelli: Well, see you in the morning, Ashley A.

Ashley A: Hold on there, Spinelli! 

Ashley A pulled Spinelli back.

Ashley A: Take that pile of filth out with you.

Ashley B held up a trash bag with flies flying around it, and Spinelli gasped.

Spinelli: Ashley A, you shouldn't talk about Ashley B like that!

Ashley B: She means this filth, you loon! 

Ashley B dropped the bag on the floor, and then Spinelli went to the dumpster while bringing the trash bag. 

Spinelli: [singing] Takin' out the trash, takin' out the trash.

Spinelli threw the trash in the dumpster and then looked at some writings on the dumpster.

Spinelli: Hmm... dumpster writing! The voice of the people! "Up with bubbles, down with air!" Hahahaha! "Nematodes are people too!" Hahahaha! Ha, those nematodes... Here's one someone didn't finish! Ashley B smells.

Spinelli wrote the word "word" after "smells".

Spinelli: Good. Hahahahaha! Hmm, what's this one? Ashley A is a... hmm? Ashley A is a f***face.

Garbage Kid was disgusted. 

Garbage Kid: Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?

Garbage Kid picked up multiple garbage bags and left. 

Spinelli: Well, sometimes, but not... Recently.

Gretchen's voice: Hi, Garbage Kid.

Then Gretchen Grundler came up to Spinelli.

Gretchen: Hi, Spinelli.

Spinelli: Hi, Gretchen! Hey, Gretchen, do you know what this word means?

Gretchen: "Ashley A..." Uh, isn't that the girl, with blonde hair we sometimes compete with?

Spinelli pointed to Ashley A," then the unseen word as they were said.

Spinelli: Nah-uh, not that word, that word.

Gretchen: Hmm... f***face! Oh, hey! I think I know what that means. That's one of those sentence enhancers.

Spinelli: Sentence enhancers?

Gretchen: You use them when you want to talk fancy. You just sprinkle it over anything you say, and Wham-O! You've got yourself a spicy sentence sandwich!

Spinelli: Oh, I get it! Let me try. Ahem. Hello, Gretchen. Lovely f***ing day we're having, isn't it?

Gretchen: Why, yes it is, Spinelli. This f***ingly day is particularly f***ing lovely!

Spinelli: How f***ing right you are, Gretchen!

Gretchen: Taxation...

Spinelli: Is theft!

Gretchen: F*** yeah!  

Spinelli: Ooh, You're right, Gretchen, my lips are tingling from the spiciness of this conversation.

Gretchen: Oh, mine, too!

Spinelli and Gretchen: Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

Spinelli: It tingles when I laugh!

Spinelli was walking past other kids in the playground.

Spinelli: Hello, kids in the playground, nice f***ing day we're having, uh?

Everyone stared in shock, even Jordan and Jerome. Jordan gasped. 

Jordan: Did he just say?!

Jerome: Yes, he did.

Spinelli: Hey, Gretchen, how the f*** are you?

Gretchen was sitting on a bench. 

Gretchen: Pretty f***ing good, Spinelli. 

Hustler Kid: I thought this was a playground, not a gutter mouth convention.

Spinelli climbed up on the Jungle Gym, and she tapped on the microphone and spoke into it.

Spinelli: Attention, kids in the playground, today's special is a f***ing Ashley Patty served in a greasy f***ing sauce and grilled to f***ing perfection.

Trumpet Boy shooed the laughing kindergarteners away.

Spinelli: And don't forget to ask us to f*** the f***ing fries. It will be our f***ing pleasure.

Ashley B heard the sound of the microphone, and was hearing Spinelli. Later, Spinelli and Gretchen came up to Ashley B.

Spinelli: Hi, Ashley B, how the f*** are you?

Gretchen: Nice f***ing day, isn't it, Ashley B?

Geoffrey: I don't understand. That girl's talented, she doesn't have to work blue.

Swinger Girl: Let's go somewhere more family oriented.

Everyone walked off, grumbling in frustration. 

Judy: I'm never listening to Spinelli's announcement again.

Gordy: Those foul-mouth bottom feeders.

Inside the Ashleys' Clubhouse, Ashley A was reading her newspaper, and she heard the grumbling of other kids. 

Ashley A: Huh? 

Ashley A used her binoculars and she saw the other kids storming off to hide out in the forest. 

Ashley A: The playground, it's empty! The kids are walking away to the forest! All hands on deck! Batten the front doors! Brace the cash register! Break out the happy snacks! Ashley B, where have all my money paying customers gone?

Ashley B: Apparently, the two barnacle-mouth girls just learned a new word, and Spinelli just said it over the intercom.

Ashley A: Well, what was it? What'd she say?

Ashley B: Er...she said...um, well she said...

Ashley B whispered.

Ashley A: Huh?

Ashley B whispered it again.

Ashley A gasped. 

Ashley A: Spinelli and friend! Front and center!

Then Spinelli and Gretchen entered. 

Ashley A: Why, I ought to make the two of you polish our clubhouse for using such language!

Spinelli: But, Ashley A, we were only using our sentence enhancers.

Gretchen: Yeah, it's fancy talk.

Ashley A: There isn't anything fancy about that word!

Spinellli: You mean f***? 

Ashley A: Yes, that one!

Spinelli and Gretchen stood up.

Ashley A: Now quit saying that!

Spinelli and Gretchen frowned.

Ashley A: It's a bad word!

Spinelli and Gretchen: Bad word?! 

Spinelli and Gretchen started cleaning their tongues on water cups while moaning.

Spinelli and Gretchen: Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooh.

Ashley A was serious.

Ashley A: Yes sirree, that's bad word number 11. In fact, there are 13 bad words you should never use.

Ashley B: Don't you mean there are only 7?

Ashley A: Not if you're a sailor. Hahahahaha. 

Spinelli: Wow, 13.

Gretchen: That's a lot of f***ing bad words.

Ashley A: Okay, girls. I want you to promise me you'll never use that word again.

Spinelli and Gretchen: We promise.

Later inside the Games Room in Third Street School, Spinelli and Gretchen were playing Snakes and Ladders. 

Spinelli: Gee, I'm glad Ashley A told us that word we were using was a bad word!

Gretchen: Yeah, me too, because classy sophisticates like us shouldn't stain our lips with cursing.

Spinelli: Yeah, verily. Now, let's play a nice, wholesome game of Snakes and Ladders.

Gretchen: Oh, boy, my favorite!

Gretchen flopped her arms up and down like a seal. 

Spinelli: Come on, Stuart needs a new pair of shoes! 

Spinelli rolled the dice. 

Gretchen: Oh, ladders. Too bad, Spinelli, you got to ride the snake.

Spinelli: Darn.

Spinelli moved the game piece to snake. 

Gretchen: My turn!

Gretchen rolled the dice.

Gretchen: Hooray! Ladders! Yay! Aargh! Up, up, up!

Spinelli: Come on, ladders, ladders, ladders!

Spinelli rolled the dice, and she sighed.

Spinelli: Snakes again.

Gretchen: My turn!

Gretchen rolled the dice. 

Gretchen: Ladders!

Spinelli: Ladders, ladders, ladders!

Spinelli threw a dice.

Spinelli: Snakes?

Gretchen rolled the dice. 

Gretchen: Lad-ders!

Gretchen moved to ladders. 

Gretchen: Well, this is your last chance, Spinelli, or if you get snakes again, you lose!

Spinelli got frustrated while rolling the dice.

Spinelli: ladders, ladders, ladders!

The dice was thrown and landed on ladders.

Spinelli: Ha! Ladders!

The dice turned over to snakes.

Gretchen: Snakes...

Spinelli: Ah, f***!

Spinelli covered her mouth when she realised her mistake.

Gretchen: Ooooh...! You said number 11!

Spinelli babbled for Gretchen to understand. 

Spinelli: I didn't mean... you got to understand, Gretchen, I was trying...what I meant to say was...some things just slip out. You got to understand!

Gretchen: Don't worry, Spinelli, I understand.

Then Gretchen paused.

Gretchen: Ashley A!

Gretchen ran out the door, yelling. She started running to go outside the school on the way to the Ashleys' Clubhouse.

Gretchen: Ashley A! Ashley A! Ashley A! 

Spinelli started running after Gretchen. 

Spinelli: No, wait, Gretchen! 

Spinelli caught up to Gretchen.

Spinelli: Gretchen, no, please don't tell!

Gretchen: But, you said "f***"! 

Gretchen covered her mouth as she realised her mistake. 

Spinelli: Aha! Now I'm going to tell Ashley A on you!

Gretchen: Not if I tell first!

Spinelli: I can run faster than you! Hahahaha! 

Gretchen was riding on the trolley of Ice Cream Kid's bike. 

Gretchen: See you at the Ashleys' Clubhouse! Hahaha! 

Ice Cream Kid's bike turned at the wrong corner. 

Gretchen: Oh, nooooo!

Spinelli: Hahahahahaha! 

Spinelli ran inside the Ashleys' Clubhouse to speak to Ashley A. 

Spinelli: Ashley A, Ashley A, Ashley A!

Ashley A: What, what, what?

Spinelli: Gretchen, Gretchen, Gretchen!

Ashley A: Yes, yes, yes?

Spinelli: She said, she said, she said!

Ashley A: Out with it, girl!

Spinelli talked fast.

Spinelli: Me and Gretchen were playing Snakes and Ladders, and Gretchen was going up-up-up, and I had to ride the snake and then we ran and Gretchen, she said some things.

Ashley A eyed Spinelli. 

Ashley A: What kind of things?

Spinelli: Well, she said...

Ashley A: Yes?!

Spinelli: Well, uh, let's just say she said a certain word that you said we shouldn't say, and this particular word happens to be number 11 in the 13 words you said shouldn't be said.

Ashley A: Uh... right, now what was that part about the, um... Who now?

Gretchen walked through the door of the Ashleys' Clubhouse and ate an ice cream cone, but throw away the cone.

Gretchen: Ashley A, Ashley A, Ashley A! 

Ashley A sighed.

Spinelli and Gretchen: She said that word that you said we shouldn't say...!

Spinelli: ...number thirteen...

Spinelli and Gretchen babbled on about the word, as Ashley A stared on disapprovingly, until the two were just pointing at each other and yelling, "Dah-dah-dah-dah-dah-dah-dah-dah-dah-dah!"; Ashley A eventually grabbed their lips to quiet them.

Spinelli and Gretchen: Mmm-mmm...!

Ashley A: Now I'm going to let go of your lips, and when I do, I want you to calmly tell me what you need to tell me, understand?

Spinelli and Gretchen: Mmm-hmm...

Ashley A let go of Spinelli and Gretchen's lips; Spinelli and Gretchen both pointed at each other again. 

Spinelli and Gretchen: She said "f***"!

Ashley A screamed.

Ashley A: (audio) AAH! (normal voice) Do my ears deceive me?! You two should be ashamed! Time to take out the trash. 

Ashley A picked Spinelli and Gretchen up by their trousers and carried them outside the Ashleys' Clubhouse. 

Ashley A: You two need to be taught a lesson. I thought I made it clear. Never, and I mean, never use number 11 or any of the 13 bad words! Now the both of you wait right here. I'll be back.

Ashley A walked back in the clubhouse.

Gretchen: What's going to happen to us?

Spinelli: We'll probably get 40 lashes!

Gretchen: Oh, no!

Gretchen stupidly imagined herself blinking with 40 thick eyelashes. 

Spinelli: I'm sorry, Gretchen. Ashley A was right. There's no need for words like that.

Gretchen: I'm sorry, too, Spinelli.

Spinelli: Let's make a vow, Gretchen. From this day forth, a foul word shall never pass our lips! We'll be good citizens, just like good old Ashley A.

Gretchen shook hands with Spinelli.

Gretchen: Agreed!

Just then, Ashley A reappeared with some polishing tools. 

Ashley A: All right, you two foul mouths. As punishment for fouling the air in my clubhouse with your foul words, you're going to give the Ashleys' Clubhouse a fresh polishing from top to bottom.

Ashley A jammed her foot on a rock then hopped on one leg. 

Ashley A: Oh, wow, ooh! Ow! My f***ing foot! What f***ing genius put a d***** rock in a n***** path?! Can't you see I got a c***** foot here?! Oh! S***. That f***ing w**** a**. 

Spinelli and Gretchen counted the swear words Ashley A used. 

Spinelli: Five, six, seven...

Ashley A: A whole lot of damn and with a side of bulls***, a heaping helping of s*** and a boatload of w******...

Gretchen: Nine...

Ashley A: Ooh b**** c*** b**** crabbing b******! Ooh-hoo-uh! 

Ashley A was crying in pain.

Spinelli and Gretchen had counted all thirteen bad words with their fingers. 

Spinelli: That's all thirteen, Gretchen! 

Spinelli gasped, and she and Gretchen were exasperated with Ashley A for saying all thirteen bad words.

Spinelli: We're going to tell your mum, Ashley A!

Ashley A was shocked but worried.

Ashley A: No, please, not my mommy! 

Spinelli and Gretchen ran off to Ashley A's house, laughing.

Spinelli and Gretchen: Hahahahahahahahahahahaha!

Ashley A was running after them.

Ashley A: Wait, please don't tell my mum! I don't think her little old heart can take it!

Spinelli and Gretchen went to Ashley A's house and they repeatedly banged on the door.

Spinelli and Gretchen: Mrs Armbruster, Mrs Armbruster!

Mrs Armbruster opened the door. 

Mrs Armbruster: Why, hello there!

Spinelli, Gretchen and Ashley A all explained the situation at the same time, swearing numerous times as they did so. 

Spinelli: Mrs Armbruster, she said f*** and then she said f*** again and said d***** and n***** and then she screamed at the top of her voice c***!

Gretchen: It was terrible.

Spinelli: And she said s***, w****, a**, damn, w*****, b**** c*** b**** and b******, Mrs Armbruster, she didn't care! Such a stream of f***ing s***. I have never heard in my days!

Mrs Armbruster was shocked. 

Mrs Armbruster: Oh, dear! My poor old heart.

Mrs Armbruster fainted, and then her daughter ran up to her and she gasped. 

Ashley A: Oh, dear mum! What have these foul-mouthed heathens done to you?

Ashley A took a coin out of her mother's pocket, and she was upset with Spinelli and Gretchen. 

Ashley A: You two should be ashamed! Making my poor mummy faint with your sailor talk!

Mrs Armbuster woke up, and spoke to her daughter, Spinelli and Gretchen severely. 

Mrs Armbruster: You should all be ashamed. And if you're going to talk like sailors, then you're going to work like sailors. Especially you, Ashley. You're grounded, grounded, grounded until you've done all the gardening.

Ashley A: Oh no. 

Then Ashley A, Spinelli and Gretchen were gardening and they worked together. Gretchen was watering the flowers, and then Mrs Armbruster came. 

Mrs Armbruster: I guess you scallywags have earned a glass of lemonade. Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

Mrs Armbruster stubbed her foot on a rock. 

Mrs Armbruster: Yeeeoww! My [Klaxon horn] foot!

Spinelli and Gretchen gasped in shock.

Ashley A: Mum!

Mrs Armbruster: What? It's Thaddeus T. Third V and his car.

Thaddeus T. Third V was driving by.  

Thaddeus: Howdy, Mrs A! 

Thaddeus honked his horn.

Spinelli, Gretchen, Ashley A and Mrs Armbruster: Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!



CAST

Julie as Spinelli

Amy as Gretchen Grundler,  Ashley Boulet and Judy

Emma as Ashley Armbruster

Allison as Ashley Quinlan

Salli as Ashley Tomassian

Eric as Garbage Kid

Joey as Jordan

Steven as Jerome

Brian as Geoffrey

Princess as Swinger Girl

Paul as Gordy 

Kate as Mrs Armbruster 

Wiseguy as Thaddeus T. Third V


TRIVIA

Ashley A's scream from the Recess episode Tattletale Heart is used as an audio when Ashley A is shocked that Spinelli and Gretchen said the F-word. 

This episode is inspired by the Spongebob Squarepants episode Sailor Mouth.

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