Inspired by Adamkleinschmidt2003.
(Gelman walks into the kitchen and pokes his mother's back to get her attention)
Gelman's mum: Huh? What is it, Gelman?
Gelman: Mom, can we please please please go to Burger King, please?
Gelman's mum: (crossly) No!
Gelman: (disappointed) Why not?
Gelman's mum: The last time you went to Burger King, you gave the kid who got the last bottle of two per cent milk a wedgie, and slapped his face. His mom almost sued us— and everyone gave dirty looks!
Gelman: But Mom, I don't want meatloaf, peas and mashed potatoes again for dinner! I want Burger King!
Gelman's dad: Hey Sheila, we're out of meatloaf, peas and mashed potatoes! I guess this means you'll take your son to Burger King, then.
Gelman's mum: (sighs crossly) Fine; but this is coming out of your allowance.
Gelman: (happily) Thank you, mom, so much!
Gelman's mum: Come on! Let's go to Burger King!
(cue road trip montage, with car exiting garage, passing through house after house, then going on main road, passing a petrol station, a 7/11, a bank until at last, they reach their destination)
Gelman: Yay yay yay we're at Burger King!
(Gelman and his mum enter the restaurant, ready to order)
Cashier (voiced by Lawrence): Good afternoon, sir and ma'am, welcome to Burger King. May I take your orders today?
Gelman's mum: I'd like a Small order of Onion Rings, a Small Strawberry Shake and a Medium Diet Coke.
Gelman: (disgusted) Ew!
Gelman's mum: (loudly) Be quiet!
Gelman: (sighs crossly) Fine then. (normal tone, mood: neutral) I'll have two hamburgers— ketchup only, a large order of fries and a 2 per cent milk.
Cashier: (Gelman is shocked) I'm sorry but we don't serve you 2 per cent milk anymore since we ran out after a kid ordered the last one; but you can have a chocolate milk instead.
Gelman (cross) What! You're joking, right?
Gelman's mum: (sternly) Gelman, he is trying to offer you a chocolate milk, because there are all out of 2 per cent milk.
Gelman: (angry, voice changes to Kidaroo, everyone is staring at him) NO! There is no Hell on Earth that they are all out of (BLEEP)ing 2 per cent milk! This is one hell of a restaurant, ha ha ha! Everyone here is just a damn bastard, ha ha ha!
Gelman's mum (equally angry) Gelman, stop this right now! You are in a restaurant; everyone is staring at us!
Gelman: I don't give a damn if anyone is staring at us; I wouldn't mind if everyone would be watching us on national television! Why don't we go across the street and get a diamond ring, so that I can engage you? Oh, you little b******! Why didn't you tell me? (everyone gasps and Gelman's mum recoils in shock) Engage me! Engage me! Engage me, engage me, engage me! Put the ring on my damn finger! Come on, hurry up! I haven't got all day, you know!
Gelman's mum: Gelman, stop this behaviour of yours this instant! You are never again going to Burger King!
Gelman: Says the woman I wish I never knew who married the disgrace of a man and a fat old blob named Simon! He's about 600 pounds! Ha ha ha! HA!
Gelman's mum: Oh my God! How dare you insult my husband, your father, the man who raised you, paid for you, fed you and loved you! I am most offended! How dare you!
Gelman: Oh, sorry! Let's do something else: it's called (BLEEP) me! (takes off all his clothes and lies on the floor) You may as well go and buy some cigarettes, too, because I'd fancy a smoke after I get good and (BLEEP)ed! Do you want to (BLEEP) me, mom!? JUST SAY SO! HERE, (BLEEP) ME! Let's go, Sheila, let's go! Let's go, Sheila, let's go! (BLEEP) me here in this Burger King! Do want to (BLEEP) your son so bad? Then go on, (BLEEP) me! (BLEEP) me!
(Gelman puts his clothes back on)
Gelman: Oh yeah, and I'm not engaging to you either: you're too ugly! In fact, I'm engaging this Burger King instead!
(Gelman destroys much of the restaurant. Everyone evacuates the restaurant quickly and head out the doors without a scratch, even the cashiers and cooks. Gelman's mum is angry as can be, and her voice changes to Scary Voice/Damien)
Gelman's mum: O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O OH! GELMAN, YOU ARE SUCH A FREAKING MONSTER! I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU DESTROYED THE WHOLE RESTAURANT! YOU ARE SO SPOILT! WORST OF ALL, WE ARE NOW GOING TO END UP ON THE NEWS BECAUSE OF YOU! LET'S GO HOME NOW BECAUSE YOU'RE SO GROUNDED GROUNDED GROUNDED!
(Gelman's mum's voice is back to her normal tone, but she's still cross)
Gelman's mum: Now, son, let's go home. Tell your father what happened, and watch the news from the old crappy television your grandmother gave us after you broke our flat screen.
Gelman: No mom! Please! I'm sorry.
Gelman's mum: Apology unaccepted! I told you many a time that if you kept playing up, you weren't getting anything! You made me look like some sort of child molester in front of all those people!
Gelman: But I wasn't trying to get you into trouble.
Gelman's mum: Then why did you go up to a policeman and say, "Help, help! My mother is trying to (bleep) me!"?
Gelman: Oh, I understand now. The "F" word is a no-no word, and I shouldn't say it in front of other people, Mother.
Gelman's mum: Then if you're really sorry, perhaps you'll understand why you aren't getting anything!
Gelman: Well, no, that doesn't have as much logical sense, mother. Could we at least go back and get a chocolate milk?
Gelman's mum: (yells) NO!! You already destroyed the entire Burger King restaurant! You get nothing!
Gelman: Wa wa wa wa wa wa wa wa wa wa wa wa wa!
Gelman's mum: Stop crying, Gelman. Gelman, stop crying this instant or you'll get in more trouble! When we get in the house, we shall watch the news and then you'll be grounded.
(in the living room)
Gelman's mum: (lying on the couch) Oh yes you're definitely standing!
Gelman's mum: (yells) STAND!
Gelman: For the umpteenth time, my legs are getting tired and you can't tell me what to do, little Miss (BLEEP)!
Gelman's mum (150% loud voice): EXCUSE ME?! YOU DON'T EVER CALL YOUR MOTHER A (BLEEP), SO STAND RIGHT NOW!
Newsreader Curt Cox (GNN): Today on GNN, a local Burger King got destroyed because a boy didn't get what he wanted.
(CHANNEL 2, GBC)
Newsreader Annabel Sarasota (GBC): Today on GBC, a spoilt brat burned a Burger King to the ground.
(CHANNEL 3, GBS)
Correspondant Susan Lauder (GBS): (v.o.) We are live at the scene outside of the destroyed Burger King restaurant.
(CHANNEL 4, BBC)
Correspondant Geoffrey Fish (BBC): Right now I am standing amidst the ruins of the destroyed Burger King restaurant. I have with me four witnesses, whom I will be interviewing today. Our first witness is Cashier, Lawrence Keswick. So, Mr Keswick, tell us what happened at the time of the incident.
Cashier: Well, the boy wanted a 2 per cent milk, but we were all out; so I offered him a chocolate milk, but no, he flipped out and destroyed the whole place!
BBC Correspondant: Did you sustain any injuries?
Cashier: Fortunately no, but he and his mother owe us $950,000 to repair and replace this Burger King. I was still in shock afterwards, and that's all I have to say.
[Gelman's mum: (v.o.) What! That's double the cost of our home, oh oh oh oh, you are in so much trouble!]
Gelman: You're excused!
(he throws the plant at the TV)
Gelman's mum: That was the only working TV we had in our house!
Gelman: That's because I don't want to stand up, you (CENSORED BY TRAIN WHISTLE)!
Gelman's mum: Excuse me?! Did you call me the N-word?!
Gelman: Yes! I did! I wish you had cancer!
Gelman's dad: I heard our little trouble-maker was all over the news.
Gelman's mum: And I nearly forgot: your son insulted you, called you obese; 600 pounds and disgrace of a man.
Gelman's dad: What! O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O O OH! Gelman, you are so grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded for 5 days! Time to belt you.
Gelman: Oh no, please!
(Censored, Gelman's parents beat Gelman severely)
Gelman: Ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow, it hurts so bad! O o o o o o o o o o o o o oh!
Gelman's dad: Now go to your room because you're grounded! No dessert for you!
Gelman: Wa wa wa wa wa wa waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!