(inspired by South Park)
At the train, Lawson had got an iPad.
Lawson: Oh my God, isn't it awesome having an iPad, you guys?
Gretchen walked by, and Lawson walked up to approach her.
Lawson: Hey Gretchen, where's your iPad? Oh right, you're not cool enough!
Lawson laughed at Gretchen, and Gretchen walked off disgusted.
Vince walked by.
Lawson: Hey, hey, did you see my iPad, Vince? Funny, you don't seem to have one! I thought your family was rich!
Vince walked on, but was puzzled by Lawson's behaviour. Lawson saw TJ, Spinelli, Mikey and Gus playing four-square and jeered at them.
Lawson: Haha! You dumba**** have to play four-square 'cause you don't have iPads!
Lawson checked his iPad and started pacing.
Lawson: Oh, what should I do on my iPad next? Think I'll email some of my friends. Oh no, wait! Maybe I'll download some more cool apps!
Lawson smiled, and TJ came up behind him.
Lawson: This is so awesome!
TJ tapped him on the shoulder and Lawson turned around.
Diesel: Spinelli says you don't really have an iPad.
Lawson stared at TJ for a second.
TJ: Spinelli says you just glued a piece of glass to an iPad cover and you're faking it.
Lawson looked at TJ, then looked around to see if anyone was within earshot.
Lawson: Diesel Busters is an alcoholic who drinks and drives!
Spinelli: Let me see your iPad, Lawson.
Lawson: Seriously you guys! Diesel Busters is a drunk driver. He's the one who ran over Macuscoper's dog because Macuscoper doesn't know how to take care of his animals, which is why he gets beat by his mom!
TJ looked off into the distance, surprised.
Mikey: Just let us see your iPad, Lawson.
Lawson: No, because the battery is dead; it just ran out of power!
Gus: So, plug it in.
Lawson: I left my charger at home!
Everyone was still waiting, and then they started laughing at Lawson. Lawson was furious.
Lawson: (in Kidaroo voice) Stop laughing at me! Fine! I'm gonna go home and charge my iPad and bring it tomorrow, and you guys are gonna feel really stupid!
Lawson walked away angrily.
Back home, Lawson was upset with his mother.
Lawson: Well good going, mom! You completety screwed me over!
Lawson's mum: What happened, Erwin?
Lawson: YOU said I had to wait till my birthday to get an iPad! So the one I rubbed in everyone's faces today isn't real and tomorrow everyone's gonna call me a liar. Would you mind loaning me some of your lipstick, Mom? Because I wanna at least look pretty the next time you decide to F*** me!
Lawson's mum: (annoyed) Erwin, no foul language! Fine, we will go to the Best Buy. Besides, you already have an iPad Mini 2 and a Samsung Galaxy Tablet! But fine, if you get a WiFi+3G, 64 gig version of an iPad more than both, I'll get one.
The next day, Lawson and his mother went to the Best Buy. Lawson ran in with glee as his mother kept up with him.
Lawson: Okay, WiFi+3G, 64 gigs. This one, this one!
Lawson's mum: Oh, sweetie, $900?
Lawson: I can't wait to see the look on TJ Detweiler's stupid face when he sees my iPad has more memory than his!
Lawson's mum: Erwin, we can't afford that one.
Lawson: Well you don't expect me to get the WiFi-only 16-gig version, do you?
Lawson's mum: I think we need to get you a different brand, hon. They're a little cheaper.
Lawson: Mom, everyone knows that everything but Apple is stupid!
Lawson's mum saw something interesting.
Lawson's mum: Here, look at this one. Toshiba Handibook.
Lawson was shocked.
Lawson: Toshiba Handibook??
Lawson's mum: This says it does everything the iPad does, at half the price!
Lawson: Mom, do not screw me over again! If I take that thing to school, everyone is gonna think I'm a poverty-stricken a**hole!
Lawson's mum: Erwin, stop acting like a spoiled brat! You can either have the Toshiba Handibook or you can have nothing at all!
Lawson looked at his mum for a second.
Lawson: Oh, I've got a better idea! Why don't you go across the street and buy some condoms?! Because we should at least be safe if you're gonna f*** me, mom!
Lawson's mum: (sternly) Erwin!
Lawson: (in Kidaroo voice) You might as well go buy some cigarettes too, because I like to have a smoke after I get good and f*****! Do you wanna f*** me mom?!
Everyone was now staring at Lawson and his mother.
Lawson: (in Kidaroo voice) Just say so! Go ahead! Here!
Lawson pulled down his pants to moon his mother, who put her hands over her mouth.
Lawson: (in Kidaroo voice) Huh?! Go ahead, mom! F*** me! F*** me right here in the Best Buy! You wanna f*** your son so bad?! Go on mom! F*** me! F*** me!
Then Lawson stopped mooning his mother and pulled his pants back up.
Lawson: (in Kidaroo voice) So, you don't want to f*** me! Alright then! I will throw a meltdown if you f*** me!
Randall: This is a serious time to get the heck outta here, right?
Leonard: Right, Randall! I think we should get outta here!
Randall Weems, his dad Leonard Weems and the other people fled, and Lawson began to go on a rampage to attack the Apple Store.
Lawson: (in Kidaroo voice) Time to terrorize the Best Buy! (knocking the MacBook shelf down) Get outta here, dumb MacBooks! Take the stupid Toshiba Handibook away from my face! (throwing the Toshiba Handibook) Stupid Toshiba Handibook! (knocking the aisles) Clear off those aisles! Eat my shorts! Time to burn the Best Buy in heck!
Lawson started the burn the entire store in heck, setting in on fire.
Lawson: (in Kidaroo voice) Yeah, yeah! Burn in heck! Best Buy! Toshiba Handibook Eat Shorts! GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
Lawson's mum was furious at Lawson, throwing a fit.
Lawson's mum: (Scary voice) Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooh! Erwin, Erwin, Erwin, how dare you cause a mental breakdown? That's it! You're grounded, grounded, grounded when we get home! (normal voice) That's enough now, Erwin! Let's get in the car to go home, and you're getting absolutely nothing!
Lawson ran out of the Best Buy and he started screaming to the police officer.
Lawson: (in Kidaroo voice) Help! Help! My mom is trying to f*** me!
Lawson's mum grabbed Lawson.
Lawson's mum: Oh no you don't! You're not going anywhere, and can't go speaking to the police officer like that!
Then Lawson's mum drove Lawson home in disgrace.
(scary Sound FX)
Lawson was crying.
Lawson's mum: Stop crying, Erwin! I told you if you kept acting up, you weren't getting anything!
Lawson: [sniffles] But I told you I was sorry.
Lawson's mum: You made me look like some sort of child molester in front of all those PEOPLE!
Lawson: I wasn't trying to get you in trouble.
Lawson's mum: Then why did you go outside to a police officer and say "Help! Help! My mom is trying to f*** me!"?!
Lawson looked around for something to come back with.
Lawson: Oh wait, I get it now! The F-word is a no-no word, and I shouldn't say it around other people. I'm sorry mom.
Lawson's mum: If you're really sorry, then you'll understand why you aren't getting ANYTHING!!
Lawson: [sniffles] Well, now that doesn't really have any logical sense, Mom, because I'm already being punished by not getting the iPad. Mom. Please, can we just go back and get the Toshiba Handibook?
Lawson's mum: NO!!
Lawson: Well then can we at least pull up here and get some dinner? 'Cause I like to be wined and dined after I've been F*****! [bangs at the dashboard with his fists]
Lawson's mum: Hey! Watch your language! When we get home! I will tell your father about this!
Back home, Lawson's father was very upset with Lawson and threw a fit.
Lawson's dad: Oooooooooooooh! Erwin, how dare you pull down your pants and say...
Then Lawson's dad pulled down his pants and exposed his butt to show his son.
Lawson's dad: (Kidaroo voice) 'Do you want to eff me? Just say so! Cuz you can eff me! Eff me! Eff me right there at the Best Buy!'.
Then Lawson's dad pulled his pants up and continued scolding his son.
Lawson's dad: And throw a mental breakdown there! Why did you do that? Huh! You know it's disrespectful!
Lawson: I told my mom I wanted to get that WiFi+3G, 64 gig version of an iPad. But no, she forces me to buy the Toshiba Handibook instead.
Lawson's mum: You know you should be ashamed by your parents.
Lawson's dad: That's it, you're grounded, grounded, grounded, grounded, grounded, grounded, grounded, grounded! There will be no computer, no pizza, no video games, no nothing... for a month! You will watch Barney and Friends, Sesame Street, Yo Gabba Gabba and other shows you hate for the rest of the month!
Lawson's mum: Go upstairs to your right now and stay there big time!
Lawson went upstairs to his room, crying.
Eric as Lawson, TJ Detweiler and Randall Weems
Julie as Spinelli
Joey as Mikey Blumberg
Evil Genius/David/Zack as Gus Griswald
Kimberly as Mrs Lawson (Lawson's mum)
Dallas (or Wiseguy) as Lieutenant Griswald
Kidaroo as Lawson's angry voice and Lawson's dad's angry voice
Scary voice as Mrs Lawson's angry voice
Wiseguy as Mr Lawson (Lawson's dad)