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Mr Dallas was teaching his students some maths lessons.

Mr Dallas: Okay, class, let's start the day with a few new math problems. What is five times two? Come on, class, don't be shy. Just give it your best shot.

Buddy Bro raised his hand.

Mr Dallas: Yes, Buddy Bro?

Buddy Bro: Twelve?

Mr Dallas: Okay. Now let's try to get an answer from someone who's not a complete idiot. Anyone? Come on, don't be shy.

Dark Bowser: I think I know the answer, Mr Dallas.

Phineas T. Ratchet mocked Dark Bowser in a high-pitched, gibberish voice.

Ratchet: Meh meh meh meh meh meh meh meh meh meh meh meh.

Dark Bowser: Shut up, scrap heap!

Ratchet: [enraged] HEY! DON'T CALL ME SCRAPHEAP, YOU F***ING BIG BLUE MONSTER!

Mr Dallas was shocked and horrified.

Mr Dallas: Ratchet, did you just say the F-word??

Ratchet: Big blue monster?

Dark Bowser: No, he's talking about f***. You can't say f*** in school, you f***ing jacka**.

Dallas: Dark Bowser!

Ratchet: Why the f***not?

Dallas: Ratchet!

Randall: Dude, you just said f*** again!

Dallas: Randall!

Razorbeard: F***.

Dallas: Razorbeard!

Ratchet: What's the big deal? It doesn't hurt anybody. F***, f****ity-f***-f***-f***.

Dallas: How would you like to go to the principal's office?

Ratchet: How would you like to suck my b****.

Everyone gasped in shock.

Dallas: [furiously] WHAT DID YOU SAY?!?

Ratchet: Oh, I-I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Actually, what I said was:

Then Ratchet picked up a megaphone and cleared his throat.

Ratchet: 'How would you like to suck my b****, Mr Dallas?'

Mr Dallas stood rooted to the spot, furiously frozen.

Randall: Holy s***, dude.

Then Ratchet, Dark Bowser, Randall Boggs and Razorbeard went to the principal's office in disgrace, and Doopliss, Twister Bro and Ice Bro sat in the chair in front of the principal's office. Inside the principal's office.

Inside the principal's office, Principal Eric was very upset with Ratchet, Dark Bowser, Randall and Razorbeard.

Principal Eric: Well, Ratchet, Dark Bowser, Randall and Razorbeard! I'm very disappointed in you for cussing. As for that, I have no choice but to expel all four of you. Go home right now!

Ratchet, Dark Bowser, Randall Boggs and Razorbeard went home in disgrace. 

At the Chop Shop, Madame Gasket scolded Ratchet. 

Madame Gasket: Ratchet, how dare you cuss in class and get expelled?! That's it, you are grounded, grounded, grounded for a whole month! Go upstairs to your room right now, you good-for-nothing scrapbrain!

Ratchet went upstairs to his room, crying. 

Ratchet: Wawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawa!

At Dark Bowser's house, Bowser and Icy Peach scolded Dark Bowser. 

Bowser: Dark Bowser, how dare you cuss in class and get expelled?! That's it, you are grounded, grounded, grounded for a whole month!

Icy Peach: Go upstairs to your room right now, you good-for-nothing monster!

Dark Bowser went to his room, crying.

Dark Bowser: Nononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononono!

At Randall's house, Mr Boggs and Mrs Boggs scolded Randall. 

Mr Boggs: Randall, how dare you cuss in class and get expelled?! That's it, you are grounded, grounded, grounded for a whole month!

Mrs Boggs: Go upstairs to your room right now, you good-for-nothing reptile!

Randall went to his room, crying.

Randall: Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

At Razorbeard's house, Razorbeard's parents scolded Razorbeard.

Razorbeard's dad: Razorbeard, how dare you cuss in class and get expelled?! That's it, you are grounded, grounded, grounded for a whole month!

Razorbeard's mum: Go upstairs to your room right now, you good-for-nothing pirate!

Razorbeard went to his room, crying.

Razorbeard: Noonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoo!    



ALTERNATE VERSION

Mr Dallas was teaching his students some maths lessons.

Mr Dallas: Okay, class, let's start the day with a few new math problems. What is five times two? Come on, class, don't be shy. Just give it your best shot.

Buddy Bro raised his hand.

Mr Dallas: Yes, Buddy Bro?

Buddy Bro: Twelve?

Mr Dallas: Okay. Now let's try to get an answer from someone who's not a complete idiot. Anyone? Come on, don't be shy.

Dark Bowser: I think I know the answer, Mr Dallas.

Phineas T. Ratchet mocked Dark Bowser in a high-pitched, gibberish voice.

Ratchet: Meh meh meh meh meh meh meh meh meh meh meh meh.

Dark Bowser: Shut up, scrap heap!

Ratchet: [enraged] HEY! DON'T CALL ME SCRAPHEAP, YOU F***ING BIG BLUE MONSTER!

Mr Dallas was shocked and horrified.

Mr Dallas: Ratchet, did you just say the F-word??

Ratchet: Big blue monster?

Dark Bowser: No, he's talking about f***. You can't say f*** in school, you f***ing jacka**.

Dallas: Dark Bowser!

Ratchet: Why the f***not?

Dallas: Ratchet!

Randall: Dude, you just said f*** again!

Dallas: Randall!

Razorbeard: F***.

Dallas: Razorbeard!

Ratchet: What's the big deal? It doesn't hurt anybody. F***, f****ity-f***-f***-f***.

Dallas: How would you like to go to the principal's office?

Ratchet: How would you like to suck my b****.

Everyone gasped in shock.

Dallas: [furiously] WHAT DID YOU SAY?!?

Ratchet: Oh, I-I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Actually, what I said was:

Then Ratchet picked up a megaphone and cleared his throat.

Ratchet: 'How would you like to suck my b****, Mr Dallas?'

Mr Dallas stood rooted to the spot, furiously frozen.

Randall: Holy s***, dude.

Then Ratchet, Dark Bowser, Randall Boggs and Razorbeard went to the principal's office in disgrace, and Doopliss, Twister Bro and Ice Bro sat in the chair in front of the principal's office. Inside the principal's office.

Inside the principal's office, Principal Eric was very upset with Ratchet, Dark Bowser, Randall and Razorbeard.

Principal Eric: Well, I must say, I'm very disappointed in you boys, okay? You should be ashamed of yourselves. Now, I've already called in your parents--

Dark Bowser: [shocked] You called my dad?!

Principal Eric: That's right.

Dark Bowser: [terrified] Oh, no, dude!

Ratchet: Principal Eric, can I ask a question?

Principal Eric: Okay, what?

Ratchet: What's the big f***ing deal, b****?

Randall: Yeah!

Principal Eric: Aah! N-Now I want to know where you heard these horrific obscenities, okay?

Randall: Nowhere.

Dark Bowser: Uh, we heard them from Mr Dallas a few times before.

Randall: Yeah!

Principal Eric: Boys, I seriously doubt that Mr Dallas ever said, uh, "Eat penguin s***, you a**-spelunker".

Ratchet, Dark Bowser, Randall and Razorbeard started laughing.

Ratchet: He-he-he-he! Sweet!

The door suddenly slammed opened, and Bowser, Madame Gasket, Mr Boggs and Razorbeard's dad came in, not looking happy at all.

Randall: Uh-oh.

Principal Eric: Thank you all for coming on such short notice.

Mr Boggs: This just isn't like you, Randall.

Razorbeard's dad: You neither, Razorbeard.

Bowser: What did my son say, Principal Eric? Did he say the S-Word?

Principal Eric: No, it was worse than that.

Bowser: The F-Word?!

Principal Eric: Here's a list of the things they've been saying. Okay?

Bowser, Madame Gasket, Mr Boggs and Razorbeard's dad looked at the list.

Mr Boggs: Oh, dear God.

Bowser: What the heck is a rim job?

Madame Gasket: Why, that's when you put your legs behind your head and have someone lick your a**.

Mr Boggs and Razorbeard's dad stared at Madame Gasket while Bowser frowned in anger and disgust at Madame Gasket.

Bowser: Young man, you will tell Principal Eric this instant where you heard all these horrible phrases!

Dark Bowser: I--I--

Randall: We can't tell you. We all took a sacred oath, and swore ourselves to secrecy.

Ratchet: It was the TV show called South Park.

Randall: Dude!

Ratchet: What? F*** you, guys. I wanna get out of here.

Bowser: South Park? That TV show?!

Principal Eric: Excuse me, what the heck is South Park?

Bowser: South Park is that very inappropriate, profane and dodgy TV series on Comedy Central about little 4th grade children! Nothing but foul language and toilet humor!

Principal Eric: Well, I guess I'll have to send a warning letter out to parents before more children see South Park.

Ratchet: Everybody's f***in' seein' it.

Madame Gasket: [angrily] Ratchet!

Ratchet: I'm sorry, I can't help myself: That TV show has warped my fragile little mind.

Mr Boggs: Come on, Randall. Let's go home right now!

Razorbeard's dad: You too, Razorbeard. Let's go home right now!

Bowser: You three, Dark Bowser. Let's go home right now!

Madame Gasket: You four, Ratchet. Let's go home right now!

Then Bowser, Madame Gasket, Mr Boggs and Razorbeard's dad went home with their angry parents in disgrace, crying.

At the Chop Shop, Madame Gasket scolded Ratchet. 

Madame Gasket: Ratchet, how dare you cuss in class and get expelled?! That's it, you are grounded, grounded, grounded for a whole month! Go upstairs to your room right now, you good-for-nothing scrapbrain!

Ratchet went upstairs to his room, crying. 

Ratchet: Wawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawawa!

At Dark Bowser's house, Bowser and Icy Peach scolded Dark Bowser. 

Bowser: Dark Bowser, how dare you cuss in class and get expelled?! That's it, you are grounded, grounded, grounded for a whole month!

Icy Peach: Go upstairs to your room right now, you good-for-nothing monster!

Dark Bowser went to his room, crying.

Dark Bowser: Nononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononono!

At Randall's house, Mr Boggs and Mrs Boggs scolded Randall. 

Mr Boggs: Randall, how dare you cuss in class and get expelled?! That's it, you are grounded, grounded, grounded for a whole month!

Mrs Boggs: Go upstairs to your room right now, you good-for-nothing reptile!

Randall went to his room, crying.

Randall: Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

At Razorbeard's house, Razorbeard's parents scolded Razorbeard.

Razorbeard's dad: Razorbeard, how dare you cuss in class and get expelled?! That's it, you are grounded, grounded, grounded for a whole month!

Razorbeard's mum: Go upstairs to your room right now, you good-for-nothing pirate!

Razorbeard went to his room, crying.

Razorbeard: Noonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoonoo!    










CAST

Dallas as Mr Dallas

Diesel as Buddy Bro and Mr Boggs

Dave as Phineas T. Ratchet and Razorbeard's dad

Alan as Dark Bowser and Razorbeard

Steven as Randall Boggs

Eric as Principal Eric

Kidaroo (or Wiseguy) as Madame Gasket

Scary voice as Bowser

Julie as Icy Peach

Kimberly as Mrs Boggs

Belle as Razorbeard's mum

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