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At the train, Phineas T. Ratchet had got an iPad.

Ratchet: Oh my God, isn't it awesome having an iPad, you guys? 

Callie walked by, and Ratchet walked up to approach her. 

Ratchet: Hey Callie, where's your iPad? Oh right, you're not cool enough!

Ratchet laughed at Callie, and Callie walked off disgusted. 

Eric walked by. 

Ratchet: Hey, hey, did you see my iPad, Eric? Funny, you don't seem to have one! I thought your family was rich! 

Eric walked on, but was puzzled by Ratchet's behaviour. Ratchet saw four people playing four-square and jeered at them. 

Ratchet:​​​​ Haha! You dumbasses have to play four-square 'cause you don't have iPads! 

Ratchet checked his iPad and started pacing. 

Ratchet:​​​ Oh, what should I do on my iPad next? Think I'll email some of my friends. Oh no, wait! Maybe I'll download some more cool apps! 

Ratchet smiled, and Diesel Busters came up behind him. 

Ratchet: This is so awesome!

Diesel tapped him on the shoulder and Ratchet turned around.

Diesel: Macuscoper says you don't really have an iPad.

Ratchet stared at Diesel for a second.

Ratchet: What? 

Diesel: Macuscoper says you just glued a piece of glass to an iPad cover and you're faking it.

Ratchet looked at Diesel, then looked around to see if anyone was within earshot. 

Ratchet: Macuscoper's dad is an alcoholic who drinks and drives!

Jake: Let me see your iPad, Ratchet. 

Ratchet: Seriously you guys! Macuscoper's dad is a drunk driver. He's the one who ran over Harold Slikk's dog because Harold Slikk doesn't know how to take care of his animals, which is why he gets beat by his mom!

Diesel looked off into the distance, surprised.

Leopold: Just let us see your iPad, Ratchet.

Ratchet: No, because the battery is dead; it just ran out of power!

Leopold: So, plug it in.

Ratchet: I left my charger at home! 

Everyone was still waiting, and then they started laughing at Ratchet. Ratchet was furious. 

Ratchet: (in Kidaroo voice) Stop laughing at me! Fine! I'm gonna go home and charge my iPad and bring it tomorrow, and you guys are gonna feel really stupid!

Ratchet walked away angrily. 

Back at the Chop Shop, Ratchet was upset with his mother Madame Gasket.

Ratchet: Well good going, mom! You completety screwed me over! 

Madame Gasket: What happened, Ratchet?

Ratchet: YOU said I had to wait till my birthday to get an iPad! So the one I rubbed in everyone's faces today isn't real and tomorrow everyone's gonna call me a liar. Would you mind loaning me some of your lipstick, Mom? Because I wanna at least look pretty the next time you decide to F*** me!

Madame Gasket: (annoyed): Ratchet, no foul language! Fine, we will go to the Best Buy. Besides, you already have an iPad Mini 2 and a Samsung Galaxy Tablet! But fine, if you get a WiFi+3G, 64 gig version of an iPad more than both, I'll get one.

The next day, Ratchet and his mother Madame Gasket went to the Best Buy. Ratchet ran in with glee as his mother kept up with him. 

Ratchet: Okay, WiFi+3G, 64 gigs. This one, this one!

Madame Gasket: Oh, sweetie, $900?

Ratchet: I can't wait to see the look on Diesel Busters's stupid face when he sees my iPad has more memory than his!

Madame Gasket: Ratchet, we can't afford that one.

Ratchet: Well you don't expect me to get the WiFi-only 16-gig version, do you?

Madame Gasket: I think we need to get you a different brand, hon. They're a little cheaper.

Ratchet: Mom, everyone knows that everything but Apple is stupid!

Madame Gasket saw something interesting.

Madame Gasket: Here, look at this one. Toshiba Handibook.

Ratchet was shocked. 

Ratchet: Toshiba Handibook??

Madame Gasket: This says it does everything the iPad does, at half the price!

Ratchet: Mom, do not screw me over again! If I take that thing to school, everyone is gonna think I'm a poverty-stricken loser!

Madame Gasket: Ratchet, stop acting like a spoiled brat! You can either have the Toshiba Handibook or you can have nothing at all! 

Ratchet looked at Madame Gasket for a second.

Ratchet: Oh, I've got a better idea! Why don't you go across the street and buy some condoms?! Because we should at least be safe if you're gonna f*** me, mom!

Madame Gasket: (sternly) Ratchet!

Ratchet: (in Kidaroo voice) You might as well go buy some cigarettes too, because I like to have a smoke after I get good and f*****! Do you wanna f*** me mom?!

Everyone was now staring at Ratchet and Madame Gasket.

Ratchet: (in Kidaroo voice) Just say so! Go ahead! Here! 

Ratchet started to moon Madame Gasket, who put her hands over her mouth. 

Ratchet: (in Kidaroo voice) Huh?! Go ahead, mom! F*** me! F*** me right here in the Best Buy! You wanna f*** your son so bad?! Go on mom! F*** me! F*** me!

Then Ratchet stopped mooning Madame Gasket.

Ratchet: (in Kidaroo voice) So, you don't want to f*** me! Alright then! I will throw a meltdown if you f*** me!

Caillou: This is a serious time to get the heck outta here, right?

Boris: Right, Caillou! I think we should get outta here!

Caillou, his dad Boris and the other people fled, and Ratchet began to go on a rampage to attack the Apple Store.

Ratchet: (in Kidaroo voice) Time to terrorize the Best Buy! (knocking the MacBook shelf down) Get outta here, dumb MacBooks! Take the stupid Toshiba Handibook away from my face! (throwing the Toshiba Handibook) Stupid Toshiba Handibook! (knocking the aisles) Clear off those aisles! Eat my dust! Time to burn the Best Buy in heck! 

Ratchet started the burn the entire store in heck, setting in on fire.

Ratchet: (in Kidaroo voice) Yeah, yeah! Burn in heck! Best Buy! Toshiba Handibook Eat Dust! GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! 

Madame Gasket was furious at Ratchet, throwing a fit.

Madame Gasket: (Scary voice) Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooh! Ratchet, Ratchet, Ratchet, how dare you cause a mental breakdown? That's it! You're grounded, grounded, grounded when we get home! (normal voice) That's enough now, Ratchet! Let's get in the car to go home, and you're getting absolutely nothing!

Ratchet ran out of the Best Buy and he started screaming to the police officer.

Ratchet: (in Kidaroo voice) Help! Help! My mom is trying to f*** me!

Madame Gasket grabbed Ratchet. 

Madame Gasket: Oh no you don't! You're not going anywhere, and can't go speaking to the police officer like that!

Then Madame Gasket drove Ratchet home in disgrace.

(scary Sound FX)

Ratchet was crying.

Ratchet: Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

Madame Gasket: Stop crying, Ratchet! I told you if you kept acting up, you weren't getting anything!

Ratchet: [sniffles] But I told you I was sorry.

Madame Gasket: You made me look like some sort of child molester in front of all those PEOPLE!

Ratchet: I wasn't trying to get you in trouble.

Madame Gasket: Then why did you go outside to a police officer and say "Help! Help! My mom is trying to f*** me!"?!

Ratchet looked around for something to come back with. 

Ratchet: Oh wait, I get it now! The F-word is a no-no word, and I shouldn't say it around other people. I'm sorry mom.

Madame Gasket: If you're really sorry, then you'll understand why you aren't getting ANYTHING!!

Ratchet: [sniffles] Well, now that doesn't really have any logical sense, Mom, because I'm already being punished by not getting the iPad. Mom. Please, can we just go back and get the Toshiba Handibook?

Madame Gasket: NO!!

Ratchet: Why not, mom?

Madame Gasket: Because you destroyed the Best Buy while you made a big meltdown about getting an iPad! That's stupid of you!

Ratchet: Well then can we at least pull up here and get some dinner? 'Cause I like to be wined and dined after I've been F*****! [bangs at the dashboard with his fists]

Madame Gasket: That's no excuse, mister! It's all your fault! Really your fault!

Ratchet: Mom, I'm really sorry about that. 

Madame Gasket: Your apology isn't good enough. If you want to to pull up to a place to get dinner and to be wined and dined, go find a way to redeem yourself! We're arriving home now!

Then Ratchet and Madame Gasket went back to the Chop Shop. Then they entered the lounge, and Madame Gasket continued to scold his son. 

Madame Gasket: That's it, Ratchet! You are grounded, grounded, grounded, grounded for a month! This means you will watch the Lion King franchise for the rest of the month! Go to your room right now! 

Ratchet went up to his room, crying.

Ratchet: Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! 




CAST

Dave as Phineas T. Ratchet

Kidaroo (or Wiseguy) as Madame Gasket and Ratchet's angry voice

Diesel as Diesel Busters 

Joey as Jake

Evil Genius/David/Zack as Leopold Slikk (Angry German Kid) and Caillou

Eric as Boris 

Scary voice as Madame Gasket's angry voice

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